Friday, December 27, 2002

If Hell has a Soundtrack

It's provided by the Fisher Price Little People. I hate the Little People with the fiery hate of a million suns, primarily because the "children" singing the parts of the "little people" are not, in fact, children. So when they finish chanting their satanic Teddy Bears' Picnic "song," they "break into spontaneously joyful childish hysterics." There is nothing more cloying or grating than adults acting out a script of childhood. It is evil, and those damn people at Fisher Price should know better. Particularly since I must now be trapped in a confined area moving at speeds of over 70 m.p.h. while this crap plays, because the boy screams his head off if I change the music. Let's see....screaming, gasping toddler, or Little People on tape? It's a poser, kind of like choosing between ramming bamboo shoots under your fingernails and lighting them or having a sadistic Nazi dentist drill holes through your teeth.

And let's not even talk about the Little People videos, featuring the badly done claymation figures with freakishly large hands and really, I'm not going to talk about it. The nightmares have only just subsided to manageable levels. Ick. Thanks so much, in-laws, for gifting my impressionable child with the tools of the underworld. My only consolation? At least it wasn't Raffi.

Wednesday, December 25, 2002

Okay, Umm, Back to Blogging, and a Political Note (as well as a very unwieldly post title)

So that whole Christmas thing is over, and I must say it went well. Family came Christmas eve, we did the 4:00 church service (the family service, which consists of scripture readings, carols and communion held over the caterwauling of about a million children, mine included--I think there may be some goldfish crackers still lodged in the pew cushions, so "sorry about the mess, God!"), ate, put child to bed, and assembled necessary toys in time for me to relax with not one, but two big ol' mugs of Irish coffee. Yum.

Today went very smoothly, all things considered. The boy is old enough to know that presents are cool; the downside is he thinks they're ALL for him. So now the family is gone, I've digested most of the enormous Christmas meal I ate, the boy is abed, and I am free to catch up on the bloggage. Ridiculous how cut off I feel when I miss a day or so of blogroll reading. It's not like I'm living in a cave somewhere.

But I digress. The alleged point of this post was to be this:

Note to the Democratic Party--If you lose my dad it's all over for you, and you're damn close to losing my dad, you morons.

See, my dad is what you would call a Yellow Dog Democrat: a traditional southern liberal who associates republicans with rapacious big business and screwing over the little guy--namely, dad. I used to be just like him until after Clinton's first term, when I found myself becoming increasingly disgusted with the faux intellectual and moral superiority of the party, even in the face of proof of what a weasel their leader was. I ended up switching to Independent. But enough about me...

My dad has staunchly defended the democrats to me for the past few years, maintaining that their way was the only way to keep big business from destroying the earth (this is a way simplified version of his arguments, btw--dad's no dummy), because money=corruption=republicans, yadda, yadda. But lately he's slacked off supporting them, and I think he's well on his way to disillusionment. Know why? Because although my dad is still no fan of big business, he thinks the democrats have their heads in the sand about this whole war thing, and when he asks himself why, he's forced to admit that the PC lobby has hijacked the dems to the extent that they couldn't make a tough decision if they had to, for fear of pissing someone off.

You wanna make my dad REALLY angry? Cater to small shrill groups that can't seem to see the real problems the world is facing because they're obscured by the fact that a golf club is men-only. Make excuses for the deliberate, premeditated murder of innocents under the guise of "cultural differences." Sling the label "racist" around to tar anyone who votes differently from you, until the label really ceases to mean anything. And continue to preach about how our broken educational system needs more money and beaurocracy to fix it, when it should be obvious by now that those are non-solutions. Congratulations, Democrats! You're batting 1,000!

There are lots of folks like my dad out there--and the democratic party has always taken their support for granted. But if you kick a yellow dog enough, it'll bite you on the ass. Keep kicking, democrats. It seems to be working sooooo well for you.